40 Down, 40 to go

I'm at the halfway point in my weight loss project, which is both fantastic and frustrating. Instead of explaining that in a thoughtfully written essay, I'm going to take the lazy man's way out with lists:

Fantastic
1. Even people who haven't known me that long are starting to ask, "Hey, are you losing weight?"

2. Physically, I feel better than I did five years ago. Flat feet can be painful for anyone, but they hurt all the time when I was carrying around 40 extra pounds. Now, I can stand and walk for long periods of time without thinking much about my feet. My sketchy right knee doesn't creak anymore.

3. For the most part, I'm over my pouting about foods that I "can't" eat. I can eat whatever I want, but I choose not to eat stuff that's going to make me feel crappy and sluggish.

4. Shopping is sort of enjoyable, and frequently surprising. I'll pick something off the rack thinking, "Well, this is going to be too tight," and then it turns out not to be. In a few cases, it's too big. Finding pants is still a pain in the ass, but because I am pear-shaped and round-bottomed, that's going to be the case no matter what size I am.

5. My weight goal seems achievable. Forty pounds ago, I could see no light at the end of a very long tunnel, and each pound lost seemed like a ripple in the ocean.

6. A thin friend said I had inspired her to lose the last of her baby weight. Wow.

7. A few days ago, I walked briskly uphill in heels and realized I wasn't huffing and puffing the way I used to.

8. I no longer cringe when people tag me in Facebook photos.

Frustrating
1. I'm still overweight, even though I've been living like a thin person for months. A person meeting me for the first time would not assume that I consume fewer than 1,350 calories on an average day and bust my ass in the gym. I really want my body to catch up to my effort.

2. I have to keep upping the ante. The weight loss is great, but now I have to get serious about strength training so I won't be all flabby.

3. My top is in the "regular" clothing department, but my bottom is still in the plus-size area. And even by "regular" standards, I'm large.

4. In some ways, I have forgotten how dress smaller versions of myself. Seriously, I haven't worn belts in years, but now I need them. I'm clumsy when I tuck in shirts because I haven't done it in ages. Certain things in my closet just don't work anymore.

5. Buying new clothes is expensive, if necessary at this point. There are only so many times you can take something in, but because I have a family and am not made of money, I often have to pull a McGyver with some of my clothes. The result is that I look like someone who simply needs to buy some new pants.

6. I will probably never be considered small. On a message board I read yesterday, someone actually referred to Kim Kardashian as fat. Fat! The woman weighs, what, 120 pounds, but because she has boobs and a butt (things I thought women were supposed to have), she gets bashed because she isn't built like Gwyneth Paltrow. It sucks to know that I could get down to a single-digit dress size and still be measured against an outrageously unrealistic standard for women's bodies.

7. I do, on occasion, long for the sweet embrace of Cinnabon.